Green Flags, Baby!

The amount of content circulating on the internet about what constitutes a “red flag” is prolific. We receive so much information about what we should NOT be looking for, that clarity around what we SHOULD be seeking out becomes completely lost! The overwhelm of internet opinions and negative experiences from active daters begins to cloud our ability to focus on what is actually favorable- and actually healthy, in potential partners. Instead, we adopt more and more “filters” for our own personal selection criteria, most of which we now deem necessary for vetting our prospective matches through. Instead of focusing on the litany of avoidable characteristics, what should we be focusing on? What attributes should we be leaning into? Let’s review a couple of GREEN flags!

Their Relationships With Others: How does this person discuss various relationships in their life? Their mother? Friends? Exes? Boss/Coworkers? Pay attention to positive themes. Overall signs of relational cohesion, closeness, communication, and compassion are sure indicators that this person finds value and respect for their close ones. The way someone discusses the people in their life is often reflective of how they approach their relationships and day-to-day world. Perhaps there is tension in one of their friendships. Do they still attempt to talk about this person with respect and high regard? This is a good indicator that this person maintains stable and healthy relationships throughout most domains of their life. This energy is likely to extend to you!

They Want to Grow and Learn: In any long-term relationship, two people will evolve into many different versions of themselves over the course of their time together. When we commit to someone, we dedicate ourselves to loving every version of our partner that we can. Pay attention to whether someone is willing to receive new information, new knowledge, and new feedback. Are they stuck in their ways or are they looking for new strategies to improve themselves? Someone who values personal expansion will be willing to consciously grow into better and better versions of themselves as the years go on. They repel rigidity and inflexibility, eager to adopt healthier and more efficient habits and behaviors. Couples who grow together, stay together!

They Say What They Mean & Mean What They Say: Basically, we want to be looking for a good communicator. But this is not as simple as you might think. Good communication extends beyond consistent texting, frequent whereabouts updates, and simple compliments. Good communication is defined by honesty, integrity, consistency, and reliability. Not only do you want to find a partner who knows what they are thinking and feeling, you want to be able to trust that they have the ability to communicate that to you at any point in time. You want to make sure that what they say is honest, truthful, and accurate. Further, you want them to carry out actions and behaviors that are reflecting the words and messages that they communicate to you. Good communication breeds emotional trust, a key element that relationships cannot thrive without. This may be the single most important flag to look for in another person! Good communication, in itself, is a positive attribute. But the endless list of positive relationship achievements that communication acts as a catalyst for makes it even more invaluable.